For the past three or four years, I’ve been on a pretty intense health regime not only to keep my second boob fat at bay (some ladies have a muffin top, I have second boob fat. Look it up, it’s a medical phenomenon I’m sure) but mainly because I’ve realized dairy, gluten and sugar make me a mean, hormonal sassy bitch who wants to throw heavy objects. Therefore, what I eat in a day usually consists of kale, onions, peppers, black beans, egg whites, walnuts, salmon (wild caught of course) and tree bark. But, there are a few things that I will beast on guilt free. I don’t even call them cheat days. I hate that term. What am I cheating on? A test? My boyfriend? My fucked up crazy diet? Why should we feel guilty about what we eat? If your body is like mine, which it probably isn’t, it will make you pay for those crap-ass foods later anyways. So, enjoy them full throttle in the moment. The things I enjoy full throttle (yes, let’s make “full throttle” a thing) are delicacies from my motherland of the Dirty South including but not limited to cobbler, doberge cake and cornbread.
MY SHY DOG
My shy dog won’t come up to you and give you instant approval. That doesn’t mean she’s not like a regular dog. My shy dog isn’t like a regular dog. My shy dog wants me to let you know there’s nothing wrong with her just because she’s shy. My shy dog speaks in a raspy voice. Of course.