When people ask me to define myself, there are a lot of words, including a lot of choice words (because I can be pretty self deprecating) that I would use to define myself, my work.
Actor. Writer. Artist. Creator…I think “creator” works best because that includes acting, writing and art-ing. Yes, I just made that a word. I just created a word.
I love to create my own projects from wacky dog videos with my rescue fluffs to home improvement in my (also wacky) and super old row home to short films, web-series and solo shows and I also love to help other people create their own projects. However, I noticed I tend to get more acclaim from others when I’m on a show that is already deemed successful (insert any NY based cop drama here), even in a small capacity than I do on my own creative projects. And, while I am forever grateful for any work that comes my way, what I want is for people to give the same amount of love to the videos my dogs and I create as they’d give to my co-star roles on Law & Order : SVU.
I was talking to my boyfriend Harry about this over the weekend. Many creative projects in my head don’t ever see the light of day and the ones that do see the light of day don’t ever “succeed”. But, what is “success” really as a creator? Is it making money doing “your art” or is it the amount of people who see it? But what if they see it and hate it? How do you keep going? How do you MEASURE your success?
Did Google, Photoshop or Q-Tip set out to “be a household name” or “something that people will use as a verb/noun in every day speech?” Did they say, “We’re going to be so big that people will use us instead of “search the internet”, “make ourselves look better in photos” or “something with which to dig in one’s ears?” Doubtful. I don’t think it’s creating something to BE successful. The most important part, when creating anything, is to remember the WHY.
My “why” is oftentimes, especially in the current climate, is creating something to solve a problem. And, in the case of those of us who are actor-writer-artist creators, we understand that “problem” is often the need to make someone else feel uplifted and/or connected to one’s self or others. And, sometimes the reason to create is simply because it feels good. AND THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH REASON.
Harry told me something pretty enlightening with his bald headed mystical Libra self, “Why not just measure your success in simply the ability to complete something from start to finish.” And, you know, as a gal who tends to beat herself up a LOT for never being perfect and who simultaneously beats herself up about getting the word out there in the RIGHT way but NOT being annoying, that advice really resonated with her (or, me, rather.)
I once watched an ABC special (I think it was an ABC special, maybe it was with Diane Sawyer) but it was about a man who likes to fly, like a flying squirrel in a man-made flying squirrel suit. I wrote down that quote over a decade ago and I have it on my bulletin board right above my computer. I put it there so I won’t ever forget it while I’m in “creative land.” But, I often tend to overlook it. Maybe because the top part of my laptop kind of covers it up.
The man who flies never said, “Success is getting paid well.” Nor did he say, “Success is having 170K followers on Instagram.” And he sure as all get-out didn’t say, “Success is defining your success by what others think is successful.” No. He just said “Success is saying, ‘I dream about it, and now I’m doing it.’” Which is very similar to what Harry said. And, I promise, Harry does NOT have a man-made flying squirrel suit laying around. (It’s not laying around - it’s flying around - kidding!)
Success is just waking up day after day, creating, doing your thing, feeling what makes your heart sing and keeping on keeping on without any guarantee that there will be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Because, life is supposed to be about following that path, not getting to the destination.
So, I was inspired, in my imperfect self, imperfect singing voice, makeup-less face to give no apologies and write and sing a parody without much time for self editing or video editing or any bells and whistles (as perfection is what oftentimes stops me from creating, which would be the antithesis of my definition-- my NEW, IMPROVED and REVITALIZED definition of success). It’s a parody of the beloved song Seasons of Love inspired by these musings. It’s called Reasons to Create.
Because, if we (and by “we” I also mean me, myself and I) only create for success that has been defined by someone else, we will never be happy with what we are doing, we will stop in our tracks, even and we sure as hell won’t enjoy the journey.
Because, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, it still will make a sound. That’s what I believe, at least. Now, let’s strap on our man-made (Woman-made) flying squirrel suits and get out there, y’all !!!