I didn't set my alarm for 5:00 on 19 May 2018 like many Royal Wedding fanatics because this girl needed her beauty sleep. (Note, I'm now going to start writing all dates Euro style to really confuse the Yanks. I did it like that for a few months in high school and it really did my teachers proud, I'd like to think).
Perhaps because I didn't watch the wedding live, I now find myself in a rabbit hole of news, news and even fake news. I am searching like hell for pictures of the after after party which my Momma says I will NOT find.
I am having so many thoughts and feelings about this Royal Wedding. So much so that I thought I might share them with you in a random stream of consciousness of my thoughts in no order of importance...or relevance.
I wonder if Harry and Meghan are fans of Walker's shortbread. Or, does the Royal Family have a preferred private brand of shortbread? In this case, if I said, "Do they have a preferred private label" would that mean store brand as it usually does or would it mean just a private royal label? I'm not sure. I wonder if I could whip up a decent gluten and sugar free shortbread cookie myself. Maybe not. I'd have to use real butter though, not some Earth Balance substitute. It probably wouldn't be as good as Walker's.
I wonder if Meghan Markle prefers Lady Grey or Early Grey tea?
Prince Harry strikes me as an English Breakfast tea kind of guy.
I wonder if Princess Diana drank Irish breakfast tea to really shake things up. God love her.
I remember where I was when I found out Princess Diana had passed away. I was with an actual British person, a British exchange student to be exact. He was hot. It was a high school and a small group of us had snuck into my house, well it had become my dad's house at the time, so we snuck into my dad's house to get some wine. And, we turned on the TV briefly. I remember the hot British exchange student taking it all in. He seemed to have such sadness for his country and the people's princess all in one. He cried. He was even more hot. Then, we all cried. And, I thought then and there, I'm sure as an American I won't ever have this much love for one of my country's leaders as these Brits do for Princess Diana. And, 20 something years later, that is still true.
I love both of Meghan's dresses. That boat neck. Just timeless. And classy. Some may say it's nothing fabulous. And, I will say she's a class act you judgmental bastard.
But I really love her Stella McCartney dress. My mum didn't know Stella is Paul McCartney's daughter. Shows ya how much my mum knows! I'm going to find those damn after after party pics even if you say I can't, Momma!
Could I wear a replica of that Stella McCartney dress? Would it look flattering on me, a girl with a plus size shape and overly skinny legs? I'm not so sure. There is this movement where the bigger girls don't give a F*ck if what they're wearing is flattering or not. I'm not part of that movement. Because, I proudly admit I have decided that I DO give a F*ck about wearing something flattering. I think Meghan Markle would be proud of my decision. I think twelve year old Meghan Markle who changed some shit at Proctor and Gamble would be proud of my decision too.
Nope. That dress would NOT look flattering on me. I need to stick to a plunging V-neck...wait is Prince Harry kind of pulling Meghan ?!?! No, Prince Harry. No. I love you, you sweet Ginger, rugged man. You're not pulling her, right? I'm over analyzing your body language for the benefit of my 10,000* and counting blog readers.
*number may be altered
I need to take my mind off this for a second. Okay, this helps.
I don't think any of us can forget Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie at William and Kate's wedding. These are my kind of girls, now y'all. They'd win a hat contest at the Kentucky Derby Day party at our local bar any day of the week! But, the Queen Grandmother must have said something to them because their looks were MUCH more toned down this go around...
However, I still want to be their best friend. Or, portray Princess Eugenie in her biopic, if that ever happens. I just love these guhls. Yes, say "guhl" like a British person and like the way my late great Pomeranian Precious would say it, "guhl." We're already besties, I can feel it, guhls.
And, how about Meghan's mom Doria? In my humble opinion, if you want to know the definition of bittersweet, look up Doria Ragland in the dictionary. She is one proud mum. But, I do feel a sense of loneliness. Maybe I am empathizing too much with my own mum (who was the traitor who said I wouldn't' find any after after party pics) because I am crying for how Doria is going to manage in the States without Meg?!??! Did she have a good time at the wedding? Did she feel welcomed? But, how about that mint green on her, y'all? Gorg!
Now I'm getting emotional again and I'm thinking about Princess Diana and how she must be so proud of both of her boys. Those gents are stellar. I am trying so, so hard to not use the word amazing. That's an overused word. Brits don't overuse words like Americans do. I think Harry did a standup act to have an empty seat by Prince William yesterday in honor of his mum. I wonder how William must have been feeling, as well. Even though I am a bit frustrated with my mum for saying I won't be able to find after after party pics, I still love her to pieces.
Queen Elizabeth reminds me of Mardi Gras y'all !
And, then there's Oprah. Of course, there's Oprah. There will be an apocalypse. And, there will still be Oprah.
And, then there's Victoria Beckham, Posh Spice, looking like she's going to a damn funeral.
And, here's the real party people. Harry's ex girlfriends. Funny move, you salty chap! (salty chap? Do they even say that?) But, these look like the guhls I would want to hang with. I mean because let's face it. I don't think I'd be allowed to hang with my top fave guhls, Princess Eugenie and Princess Beatrice. The short skirts, the fun colors, the gays. These are MY peeps, y'all.
Actually, who am I kidding? I think of any of the wedding attendees, I'd want to hang with this guy MOST of all.
I'm talking about that horse on Harry's side of the carriage, of course. That salty chap (yeah, I've made that a thing) was loving up on Meghan's horse the whole time. Check him out now. He's whispering sweet nothings into Meghan's horse's ear. I wonder if that salty chap likes Walker's shortbread or if he prefers to have a gluten free diet like I do. But, for the whole carriage ride, y'all, this horse, let's call him Snowball, Snowball was prancing and also loving up on Meghan's horse. And, I just fell in love with him.
While my mum may have been right...I may have NOT found the after after party pics (YET), I did find some good pics of Snowball doing his thing. Here's another. Loves DOES prevail. But, all jokes and satire and random thoughts aside, I do wish the Duke and Duchess of Essex a wonderful happy life together. Just please, make sure Meghan's mum is included. And, remember Snowball is gluten free.